For the occasion of our 25th wedding anniversary, I went back in time so to say, by reading all the letters you have written to me over the years. They brought back so many memories and emotions, but they also highlighted everything that has changed throughout our marriage. When we met, writing letters was already quite old-fashioned. In one of your first letters, you jokingly explained that while it hurt your hand and while you thought it was unsustainable, I was deserving of your pain and paper because you knew how much I appreciated physical mementos.
Of course, sustainability has become an even more apparent issue, so we found new ways to preserve our memories and sappily confess our love to each other. It was even difficult to find a pen and paper to write this letter. However, for this special milestone, being together for so many years, I thought it would be worth it and fitting to revive our letter writing tradition.
To express to you how much you, and our marriage mean to me, we have to go back to how it all started. A quarter of a century ago (saying it like that makes it sound even longer), it was still quite normal to get married. And to me, it had always been my vision for the future. My parents were my ideal picture. They had been together forever, and still held hands, still giggled with each other during breakfast at the kitchen island. I used to say that if they were to separate, that I would no longer be able to believe in love. Now that I have you, that has changed a bit of course. But at that time, what they had was my dream. You on the other hand, were a bit more doubtful about getting married. I vividly remember a discussion in which you questioned the function of getting married. You also wrote to me once, that you did not need a social structure to prove how much you love me. In that sense, you were a lot more progressive than I was. Because to me, marriage was part of life, and I did not feel the need to do it in a different way.
Looking back however, I find it almost humorous. My vision of the future then contradicts in so many ways with the context we live in now. Many people have found new ways of being together. In different configurations, with different kinds of love, people have given their own definition to marriage. It is no longer about social obligations or legal structures, but purely about the connection they share with the people around them. The ceremony defines that connection, in a way that fits them. And even the term marriage has become a bit outdated. Of course, looking at my parents, it was the connection I was seeking, more so than the ceremony, the label, or the structure. But in my mind, those things could not be separated. I have learned so much, however. From our daughter, who is exploring what friendship means in terms of connecting, when relationships come and go. From our son, who wants to have a communal marriage which we get to be part of, because he wants to celebrate all his family. But most of all, I have learned from you, and shared with you. Through everything, you have opened my eyes to admire all the different forms of marriage that have come to existence over the years. You have shown me in what ways they can co-exist with the marriage I share with you. While the definition of our connection has stayed the same, the definition of weddings and marriage has changed. With you, I would not change a thing for the world, but I think that I finally understand what you meant.
